Dilbert’s Rules Of Order

  1. I can only please one person per day. … Today is not your day… Tomorrow is not looking good either.
  2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  3. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
  5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, “where the heck is the ceiling?”
  8. My reality check bounced.
  9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  10. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
  11. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
  13. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with their experience.
  14. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt
  15. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  16. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  17. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  18. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  19. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  20. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  21. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
  22. If at first you don’t succeed . . . skydiving isn’t for you.
  23. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
  24. When everything is coming your way . . . you’re in the wrong lane!
  25. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
  26. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
  27. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.
  28. I am having an out of money experience.
  29. Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
  30. I plan on living forever… So far, so good.
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