It’s been so long I had these boggy thoughts which I always feel so sensitive to talk about but today I want to make it exemption and clear this once for all. (in my own opinion & experience). This will be a long eye soaring, emotional disturbed and heart-aching blog of mine. So have your heart ready!
I am not saint in this issue but I do have a few words. Relationship in our life is the most important part of our life as it determines where it will lead us and how strong it will make us become. I had always taken extra care dealing in relationship as I know the consequences if I make a wrong move.
Recently I have been attending a thought changing course of Making Marriage Woks by Pastor Kevin. He mentions many things that I used to practice in the past and I do learn something that I should learn. Let me start sharing my past thoughts about relationship.
A little about ME
I am a very dominating man, demanding, sensitive and easily jealous man. That time I was a free thinker and eventually I begin to grow better for 2 reasons;
1st happened was during my 1st engagement
2nd through great forwarding email and other people testimonial
Reason to be attached
All of us had the same intention of getting yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend hopefully they will be your ONLY ONE and spend the rest of your life together or better refined as EMOTIONALLY LOYALTY which means there is nobody else in my life but my love one. I had this mindset and I always put importance in it.
I know someone who had the intention of getting themselves a BF/GF just to spend time together and had no further intention in their relationship. I’m not talking about you but you should know best.
I do also know that there is people out there had the intention of getting themselves a BF/GF for their own beneficial or interest such as money, promotion at work, sex, glamour etc…
My own REASON to be attached
I had this AMAZING feeling which sometimes very obvious and times it’s very adventurous. This AMAZING feeling comes obvious when I felt butterflies in my stomach and non-stop smiling. It happened during first meeting or after a few occasion.
Adventurous feeling comes when I get to know her much deeper. This happened when I share a lot of my life and thoughts with someone I felt comfortable with.
I always expected my GF to have the same goal in our relationship, that’s marriage. We are not hurried but we are holding strongly that our relationship will last. That is the reason that refraining me or safe me from the DEVILS attempts to break this beautiful relationship. The moment I talk about future plans… The moment you never call her by her name but Honey! Sweety Pie! Darling! These are proof that your relationship had gone into another level. Your relationship now is more than just GF/BF, you had just committed yourself to seal this covenant with marriage.
No escape from Devil Attempts
Once in your life, you will definitely face the temptation or attraction of others. If you cannot control over these attempts, you will feel into their pits. Guilt! Regret! Remorse! You name all the devil things you do behind your GF’s back. This type of temptation will always comes especially when you don’t believe and when you challenge it. The minute you say WON’T and you CHALLENGE it, you already started the attraction of these evil temptations.
To be honest, I was in these evil temptations long ago before I surrender myself to commitment. I can say that I am glad that I repent the moment I realize that my GF was the only one I needed in my life. After all that, it was a curse or maybe what Buddhists belief, KARMA.
This causes a mess in my past love life. So what does platonic really means? From what I learned about platonic relationship that is to have romantic love and affection for someone who is not your partner, just without the sex. This type of relationship happens when you are already attached or when you already had a GF/BF. If you are not attached, then this does not apply to you.
This type of relationship practice by your partner is extremely dangerous to your relationship. I have a debate with my friend about this issue and I can’t judge his thoughts as we all are different.
Your GF for many years had been too close up with some guy she recently met. You try to refrain her from going out with the same guy instead encourage her to go out in mixed crowd. She ignore and she become very defensive and use some words like “It’s my right!ï¿½, “It’s my freedom”, “I need some space”, “You can go out with your friend, why I can’t?”etc..
This caught into your curiosity and finally you found out that she is having this platonic relationship. You start to question her about her wrong doing and you tried to understand why she did that. However she will just slap a few words by “We are just friend and nothing more.”, “We never did anything in private, we just chit chat in open area”, “You should trust me” You just place your trust on her that you belief she will not disloyal your love. One fine day, her affair revealed to you and a question posted on her.
YOU: Can you leave this guy and come back to me?
HER: Please don’t let me choose. I cannot afford to loose this relationship
YOU: Why? Am I mistreating you?
HER: No. You treated me very well. It just different feeling when I am with you and when I am with him.
YOU: What do you mean by different? You mean that our so long relationship is being measured by this guy you know for months!
HER: It’s not that. He understands me and he really can make me very happy. We share same thoughts and same interest. You make me really happy and you are there for me whenever I needed someone.
YOU: *in silent*
Alright, now your doubts had been clear about her thoughts. She can’t decide who to choose and your relationship had been measured. The question here is..
What would you do in the end of this conversation?
Throughout my life I only believe in true love. My true love style is forever putting your love one on top of others your opposite sex, be faithful, be committed and be happy always. I don’t believe in a love relationship that can easily be measured and emotionally loyalty becomes disloyalty. I will decide to end the relationship to end the conversation. It will be a hard decision as I am a person had sworn that I will never be the person to end any relationship. It’s not easy to say those hurtful words to end the relationship.
My Friend’s Belief
Well… I share this scenario with my friend and he thinks otherwise. He asked me why I had to make situation so complicated. If she can’t make her decision, he will says,
“I love you so much that I am willing to wait for you until you able to decide. If you need my companion, I will always be there for you.”
Curiously, I asked what the reason behind his decision… He told me that he still loves his GF and he will allow her to do what she wants as long she is happy doing it. He himself will automatically felt happy as well.
Isn’t that so beautiful for the girl to have such a generous BF? She can have a trial with this new guy, meanwhile she knows that if things didn’t work out with this guy she can always go back to her former BF.
However, little that my friend didn’t know that, his decision will cause longer pain and guilt in the relationship. Such as:
- Can he remain faithful during this period?
- How many months or years he can wait?
- Can he handle bombarding question from friends or family?
- Can he accept the fact that his GF will treat this new guy as how she treats him?
There is so many question that I can asked but these are the important one that he seriously have to think.
- If he can remain faithful, that’s great but what if he starts dating girls. Remember that devil loves to destroy and put you in desperate situation. He start a new life called bachelorhood and starts his pick.
When the GF comes back and decided to choose him instead, can he let go all of this at once?
Maybe his GF knows his little unfaithfulness and what would she think about him?
- Are you willing to wait for her to return while herself also not sure how long she will be able to come back to you? Let say months passed, can the chemistry be the same and the love will be remains truthful. What’s more for years have gone?
- Everyday there will be someone speaks to you about your GF. Some says they saw his GF with another guy… Some ask where your GF… Some ask you why they have not seen you with your GF… It won’t help much if you can’t really answer them anything because they will double check with your GF.
- I can 100% guarantees that you will always imagine how your GF will treat this new guy… Holding hands, kisses, hugs, happy face etc…Imagine for awhile about your GF doing it. Not a good scene huh! The more you see her happy with this guy, the more you will near Tanjung Rambutan (Malaysian always refer this place for the insane or crazy people)
Brother… Your devotion towards your GF is really respectable, I will bow my head to you if you able to do it right. Somehow, we all are just peasant and we are not a saint or supernatural. You little action here is show that you are willing to share your own happiness with others. Bear in mind, there is something we can share but never share your GF/wife with others for they had their own wise thoughts.
My new belief
If you really want to see your love one to be really happy, then you should make her happy yourself. Hear me right… YOURSELF NOT OTHERELSE… If you really love her as much as you claimed, go and fight fair with this guy like a man. One on one pouring loves into your GF and scarifies like how you always said you will. Show her that you deserve better than this guy in every aspect. The victory is either on your side or his side. She will definitely be much happier that you still able to provide the first love feelings to her. She can experience a brand new love from you too.
Otherwise, you should just end the relationship. Do you believe that when 2 persons are together for a very long time, you will begin to read their mind? You can sense weather she is real happy or she is not. If you have those senses, trust them! Mostly they are right, so if you can sense she is much happier with this guy than you. Admit it! Let her pursuit her happiness that she always wanted. While you can begin a new life and move on to the new chapter in your journey.
That’s all I wanted to whine as this issue had been troubling me for many donkey weeks. Now I felt better that it completely removed from my head. It’s now terrorizing many doubtful people who had such problems.
Now I love my Dear Syin very much and I will use my new belief to fight till I am defeated because I know I had treat her well but if there is someone can treat her much better than everything I can give, I will be defeated in peace. I always remember that nothing is perfect without putting your best effort in it.
Thank you for reading until here. I am blessed.
* Psssttt…I post this with Syin Dear blessing. I know that she is not so happy but she said she is proud of me and she had forgive me BUT in installment. Thanks dear… *
What makes a great lover?
A great lover is someone who can satisfy one woman over a lifetime, and who can be satisfied by one woman all his life long.
A great lover is not someone who goes from woman to woman to woman. Any dog can do that.”
– An American film actor —
First, he must choose his love,
and then he must love his choice
– Henry Smith –
One loving heart sets another on fire
– Augustine –
Happiness is a combination of personal happiness and the other person’s happiness as well.
– Book of Making Marriage Work –
Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will only have shallow relationships. If you want to experience real love, it is important to first sincerely develop a strong self-identity. True love is not about doing whatever the other person wants you to do or pretending you are something you’re not. If someone genuinely loves you, they will not force you to do anything against your will.
– Unknown –